fear aftercare

Our modern world itself seems tailor-made to keep people living in fear, and we the fearful perpetuate all sorts of crimes against ourselves and others due to our own unconscious fears, internalized biases, social conditioning, political opinions, etc.

So our work here is to address the fear, integrate it, and make lifestyle changes which support that integration.

This is not an exhaustive list, but there is a lot of content included here. My intention is not to overwhelm you; however, making serious and lasting changes to your lifestyle will enable you to feel more embodied, less dissociated; more secure, less anxious; more purposeful, and less aimless.

That said, don't let perfect be the enemy of good. :)

First, some signs of fear in the body:

  • chronic ruminating

  • hyper-vigilance

  • financial fear/scarcity mindset

  • dissociation from body ("living in the head") or difficulty inhabiting the body

  • exhaustion/adrenal depletion

  • trouble relaxing

  • instability, chaos, or inability to follow through

  • feeling unsupported, homeless (literally but also figuratively, having trouble feeling rooted anywhere), untethered, unsafe

  • alternatively; rigidity, hoarding, over-attachment to security, resistance to change

The cure? Grounding & Embodiment: learning to fully inhabit the body and exist in the physical world. Spiritual bypassing worsens root imbalance: we must come down and back into the body before trying to transcend it. 

The approach? Establishing routines and consistency without rigidity. A lot of people (myself included) get really intense about optimization (thanks, capitalism!) but the goal here is devotion, not discipline. 

Discipline is the willpower to do what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it. Devotion is the intrinsic desire to do something because you love it.

While discipline forces action through structure,

devotion sustains it effortlessly through passion and meaning.

Suggestions for grounding & embodiment:

Body (START HERE!)

Nutrition

  • more cooking and eating nourishing food ("eat food, not a lot, mostly plants."-Michael Pollan)*

  • less consuming bullshit (can be applied beyond nutrition)

  • mindful caffeine/stimulant consumption

Lifestyle

  • more walking barefoot on earth

  • more spending time in nature

  • more swimming in bodies of water

  • more gardening/yard work

  • more spending time with friends and family when you actually want to, not out of guilt or obligation 

  • less doom-scrolling

  • less mindless social media consumption

  • less binging the news

Physical Environment

  • decluttering (this includes digital clutter)

  • making the home feel safe and beautiful

  • creating stability through routines and rituals

  • tending to practical life details (appointments, etc)

  • reducing instability and chronic crisis cycles

Acute Interventions for Panic/Extreme Anxiety

5 4 3 2 1

Box breathing

The major goal of working with fear is restoring safety. 

This looks like:

  • stabilizing basic needs/housing/finances

  • building supportive community

  • repairing boundaries (we will go harder on this for guilt + shame, okay to focus elsewhere for now)

  • regulating the nervous system

  • reducing chaos and overstimulation

  • developing reliability and structure

  • reclaiming the "right to exist," the basic right to be here, in this body, for this life on earth, now.

I know this is a lot. Some of these things I have mastered, others I am still working on. This is a life-long project. So please, don't feel overwhelmed. Think about the things here you already do, and do well, and just keep on doing them. Then, think about the things you've been wanting to change already, and start making progress​. The things that seem impossible now may not seem so bad in 6 months, a year, a decade. Begin where you are!

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Footnotes

*this is not to say you can't ever eat "yummy" or "junky" food ever again--just that eating whole, minimally processed foods grounds you in your body better than hyper-processed foods.

**for now, we will focus on the bodily aspects of radical self care. for instance: taking your time in the shower, focusing on the act of caring for your physical form, not furiously scrubbing as fast as possible while your mind is busy beavering about whatever's next. being intentional about performing the mundane, quotidian hygiene tasks every human being must do. you can go super hard on this, but it's enough just to begin cultivating awareness and making a habit of devotion toward your physical form.